Sunday, March 27, 2005

Three's a Crowd

So I've had the incredible pleasure of spending a week long sebatical with my boyfriend for spring break. We met the parents (mine), painted the bedroom (his) and spent far too much time tossing back margaritas and staring into eachother's eyes. Flying home amplified the separation anxiety, but it also provided justification that this was a short-term solution for a long-term commitment.
I returned to DC and spent the night recounting the week with my sister and some friends at a bar. One gay couple provided a few of their own stories, alluding to their "open relationship". Now- these happen to be two incredibly hot men... hot enough to convert the straight breeding population. They both have solid jobs, they own a house together, and are quite the fetching pair- yet they couldn't stop clamoring on about the impossibility of monagamy. Apparently, they are able to partition sex separately in their relationship ...I think it's kinda like starting out on the first level of a video game: no limitations, everyone can play, and if you can't get past level one and make it to level two you're a god-damn moron.
As they talked, I just nodded, feigning interest like they were the ultimate relationship yentas, but it couldn't have been farther from the truth. I'll tell ya why. For me, sex isn't always a physical thing, really. I mean- I do get off (sometimes) and it's pretty incredible. But, it's always more about sharing the possibility of that experience with someone, more so than the experience itself.
There's also that sense of exclusivity and safety in monogamy. Last night, I felt like I was the narrator for an animal planet documentary. I spent some time observing the gay couple, as they took laps around the straight bar trolling for a lucky (or unlucky) participant... they must have engaged the hunt for at least an hour before they decided to give it up. What a wasted effort... they could have spent that hour enjoying eachother's company, knowing they would be going home together.
I guess I'm a little jealous that I don't have that option right now. But when I do, I certainly don't plan on wasting my time looking for something else.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005


I have the type of personality that requires constant motivation. Perhaps it's the fact that I'm a product of the multmedia generation. Overstimulation is the fabric of life. (Personally, I think it can be attributed to my self-diagnosed ADD.) Regardless, I survive by setting milestones. Of course, when I hit a milestone, I get sucked into depression because the milestone has passed. So I mentally set another milestone to pull me out of the funk. Maybe it's a trip to the grocery store (although I don't get so worked up about food these days ) or the inevitable approach of the weekend. It really doesn't matter... it's just a constant game of baiting. It's a vicious cycle... and I'd imagine there's medication for shit like this.
This has become my coping mechanism for long-distance dating as well. We set up a time to talk... that gets me through the day. Then I inevitably bait at the end... "So I'll email ya tomorrow in class?" (That buys me another 12 hours.) We'll coordinate plans for a trip... (sweet. Just bought myself two weeks.) At this rate, I refuse entertaining the thought of living together- I don't know if I could handle constant and unending visitation rights. I guess it's like a goldfish: in the presence of unending food, they'll keep eating until their stomachs explode. I think I might suffer a similar fate. That could get ugly. Really ugly.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Just a kid

I am in business school.
I stay up late doing cost-benefit analyses.
I chug through financial statements and read about the impact of foreign exchange rates.
I get off on creating power point presentations for marketing projects.
But nothing....
Nothing is as exciting as getting up at five in the morning,
checking the school's website, only to realize that you have a snow day.

God bless Mother Nature.