Rejection is one thing...

...but rejection from a bank is cruel.

When moving to a new state, one of the prerequisite check list items is to find a local bank. Having just completed my MBA, I used my very powerful analytical skills to select the best institution for my financial needs. The process involved me driving the car around the block and stopping at the first bank I saw. Thus, Bank of America now proudly claims ownership to my thirty-two dollars worth of savings. And, while I can get approved for things like a home mortgage or even car insurance, I apparently am just too fucking ugly to get a personalized Bank of America Card.

Dear Mr. Carney:
We regret to inform you that your request for (1) personalized security check card has been denied because of poor picture quality.
Please contact customer service at 1-800-432-1000 for further information.

Sincerely,
Bank of America Security Card Photo Analysis Team

Slog

Slog (slôg)
noun.
A mixture between a slug and a blog.
A blog that infrequently posts and/or is updated sporadically.
Nochd is a slog.

I’ve been away for quite a while. I would hide behind the excuse that Phoenix has no internet, but I’d be lying. It’s just taken me a while to feel settled enough to put together thoughts in cohesive sentences. (Chris would argue that I still struggle with that.)
We did make a successful jump from the east coast to the desert, sans casualties. We suffered a few injuries though. Namely, the bedroom dresser has been heavily tattooed with ceiling plaster when the movers valiantly tried to wedge it up the stairs. Apparently they’ve never played the round-peg/square-hole game. In retrospect, we faired pretty well, considering the balance of two separate cross country moves, a new (old) house, new jobs, and two dogs in tow.
I have several experiences from the last couple of months that I would like to share in forthcoming posts. But right now I’ll throw out some initial thoughts on Phoenix.
It is far better than my expectations. Everybody had feedback on the copper state prior to the move and while feedback was always welcomed, not all of it was accurate or useful. For those that delivered the following advice- “It is a dry heat.”- Thank you. That was insightful. For others that said there’s nothing to do- I’d say you didn’t look hard enough. Phoenix seems to be a city that requires a little investigative effort and some resident guidance to reap the benefit. Our first weeks were spent shopping at Home Depot and eating at chain restaurants. It felt like Gwinett, but with more dirt/less kudzu. But as we talked to people, we teased out some great restaurant and bar recommendations like MyFlorist Cafe and Coronado Cafe, discovered some cool parts of town to visit like the desert botanical gardens or old Scottsdale, and got the lowdown on gay life. No doubt, we’ll continue to shape our opinions of this city as we spend more time here. Fortunately, our house landed us in the epicenter of the gay hood so that's a non-issue. We're even walking distance from a lesbian club, and ya'll know my affinity for some pretty ladies. We'll have pickups and campers squatting in the driveway by week's end.
I have a sneaky suspicion this city will grow on us. We’re seeing it at it’s worst right now- 118 degrees and no relief. Just wait until February and the hordes will be barkin' down the front door.