Friday, March 10, 2006

Thoughts from the Confessional: Part One

This past January, I proposed to Chris while we were on a vacation in the Virgin Islands and... to quell the obvious question: No. This was not a liquor-induced Vegas moment. Rather, I had been deviously scheming for quite some time. While there is no official title to slap on to our current state, I'll borrow from the Nardis humor pool and say that we're man-gaged.
I've only gotten positive responses, albeit a few quizzical looks. But I know human nature and can only imagine that some classify this as a gay experiment doomed to failure. But therein lies the crux of the problem- this has nothing to do with being a queen or even experimenting. I left that back in my twenties. This is a decision about trusting intuition. To be honest, I have never needed to commit to anything with a future timeline longer than five years. So my struggle was to objectively look at my relationship with Chris and determine if the qualities that I fell in love with would be the same qualities that will keep the bond going when we we're old, tired and gray. (Note: blatant omission of "bald".) Obviously, from my proposal, I believed they did- thus enter the "trust" factor.
Now, I know the fickle nature of da gay:

1.) Boy meets boy.
2.) Boy likes boy.
3.) Boys get joint-checking, matching tribal tattoos and new house.

Let's face it. We come out in our teens and twenties and have about a ten-year relationship maturity gap to close on our straight friends. When they get engaged, we're experiencing a broken-heart for the first time. When they decide to have kids, we've just discovered Peter Rauhofer, X and crystal meth. There's a shitload of catch-up to play and many of us skip a few scenes ahead in the race to be established. And that always ends badly... and in a dramatic, vicious fashion.
I think Chris and I have taken the opposite approach, relegated to a conjugal long-distance relationship with monthly visitation rights. As frustrating and painful as 800 miles of separation can be, it has forced both of us to constantly evaluate the strength of our relationship, and so the events in St. John were a natural culmination of these evaluations.
It was never about being gay.
It's not even about proving a point.
We'll save that for the ceremony.

postscript: spell-check just tried to replace "man-gaged" with "man-gagged". Bad spell check. Naughty spell check.


Blogger Tay Hota said...

man-gagged, too funny. assuming you've read The Commitment/ Dan Savage?

11:15 AM  
Anonymous Alexander said...

This was really beautiful to read. Thanks. My bf and I are about to go long distance again after living together, and it's heartening to see it can work.

2:07 PM  
Blogger Bhamini said...

Truly sweet. Shows that beneath the bullshit all relationships are of the same colour. Man-man, woman-man, woman-woman....its all very same and sweet.
Do check out my log at

1:56 PM  

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