Sunday, November 27, 2005

I'm an Adult Homosexual

My dad is a chronic walker. I mean, he has walked about five miles a day since I can remember. We grew up in upstate New York, where snow banks were higher than snow plows, and not even a nasty Alberta clipper could deter him. Secretly, I think it was an excuse to get the hell away from my mother. No wonder his walks are a bit longer these days.
So there's also an added bonus to these mini-marathons- they're a ripe opportunity to talk to my Dad about stuff. My brother, sister and I have gone through the famously-themed walks: the "College Walk", the "I'm Moving Away Walk", and the "You've Fucked Up Walk". Stephen went on a few of those.
There are some walks that are targeted- they've both gone through the "I'm Getting Married Walk" and I've had the pleasure of strolling around for the "Coming out of the Closet Walk".
Now, after this past Turkey Day, I can add the "I'm an Adult Homosexual Walk" to the list. In case you missed it in the last post, I'll be moving to Phoenix in July with my boyfriend. However, my parents unconsciously replaced "boyfriend" with "roommate", so they were a bit confused about the situation. I thought it best to hash it out on a walk. (which coincidentally lasted seven miles.) I'll be honest here- my dad totally kicks ass. In fact, he can probably kick your dad's ass. He had a surprisingly good idea of what my future plans with Chris were... he just didn't quite have the terminology down. Take, for instance, the word: H-O-M-O-S-E-X-U-A-L. I feel like a deviant typing it out. Well my dad can't get enough of it. Nothing was spared the clinical label... he even called the gay pride flag a homosexual flag. He's been swayed by one-too-many Catholic Church bulletin attacks. I tried to seed "ass bandit" or "nelly faggot" in wherever I could, but I don't think he felt comfortable with those expressions at all. Dammit, enough of this. I should just be thankful he's on board. Considering how far he's come since the "Coming out of the Closet" walk, I think I'll be able to live with "homosexual". I just can't wait to see how he refers to Chris. He may start adopting "nelly faggot" sooner than he thinks. Kidding.


Blogger jacob henry said...

i have the same sort of walks with my mom. though she's been over the "homosexual" thing for a while now. . . i think it was all okay after Rosie came out.

10:46 AM  
Blogger Kel said...

I been lucky to have the gay talk with two sets of parents (dad/step-mom) and (mom/step-dad). My Dad is "love the sinner/preach against the sin" but still had to say something so horrendous that I joke about it with him now. He asked "so you like your pussy on a stick?"

Anyhoo, I knew your brother when he was here in Jacksonville. While you are not a celebrity blogger yet, I have high hopes for you. Just post a bit more often OK? :) Drop by and check out my blog sometime.

11:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My folks are the same way but I don't find it necessary to be so in their face about it. There is nothing to be gained by creating an adversarial situation over it. If you really love and respect then you'll consider letting them deal with it on their terms instead of yours.

3:27 AM  

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